Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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