I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
