in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
