im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I understand Curling. That high.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
