can u get pink eye on your cock?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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