When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
