God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
