theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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