hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
