i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
