Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
