Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
