Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
