just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
