dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
