I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
