i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You took a bar mat shot.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
