I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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