What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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