I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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