He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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