Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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