You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
