i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
