Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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