the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
