question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
