Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
