im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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