So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
