i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
