i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
