I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
