Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
