so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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