shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
