Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
