she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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