Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
