i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i love accidental penises.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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