Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
