so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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