Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
