pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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