I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
