So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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