Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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