sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
