We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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