Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
