I CAN MOONWALK!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
