Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
