Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
