I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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