talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
