No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
